"Everything in life is a competition," "If you aren't first, you're last," and "Second place is just first loser" are only a few of the sayings I heard throughout high school. So much so, that they became ingrained in my mind. I was already very competitive, not to mention a perfectionist, growing up so hearing these things didn't help. I "played" (I was a courtesy runner) baseball in high school, but there were people that were better than me so I didn't play much. One reason this angered me was because my brother, Daniel, and one of my sisters, Elizabeth, played baseball/softball when they were younger and quit at 13/14, then started playing in high school, and became starters for their teams. I was so frustrated because I never quit playing and I rode the bench in high school. Something else about me, I started playing piano when I was little. I played at my sister's wedding a few years back, and in my mind, my playing didn't just not meet my expectations, it was appalling. I always felt I needed to be good at something, like that one thing that I would be known for. My mom loves tennis, so, naturally, I grew up watching tennis. Whenever I'd watch Roger Federer and see that "1" next to his name, I'd think: "Man, how awesome would it be to be known as the very best in the world at something." Some nights I'd cry myself to sleep wondering why there wasn't anything I was really good at. I eventually understood that one thing I had going for me was that I was pretty smart.
Going into college, I set goals for my intelligence. Now, my competition was no longer only fellow classmates, it was my siblings as well. Both Daniel and Rachel, another sister, had received the math award ESCC. Rachel went on to become the Alabama All-Academic Representative winner at ESCC, she also won the President's cup. So I had some steep competition. Finishing up at ESCC I was SGA President, I won the math award, I was the All-Academic Representative, and I even finished with a 4.0 gpa. I was pretty satisfied with those results. I had to be just as good or better, and I had accomplished that. I then moved off to Auburn for, initially, Aerospace Engineering. I knew school would be harder, but I knew how smart I was, and I was ready. I was gonna make a 4.0 gpa at Auburn, too. My motivation? A teacher at ESCC told me that people don't make 4.0's in engineering. I was like, "Well, everyone you know isn't Stephen Geiger because Stephen Geiger is going to throw down up there and pull out that 4.0." Then school started...It basically threw me into some kind of mess. I wouldn't say I was depressed, but the mixture of homework, studying, and trying to be just as good or better threw me for a loop. I knew my parents were proud of me and that no matter what I did at Auburn, they would still love me. But for some reason I still felt that if I didn't do just as good or better than Daniel (He graduated undergrad magna cum laude, already had his masters, and was working on getting his PhD), then I wasn't smart, I wasn't good enough. It sucked. I even told Daniel once, "Man, why couldn't you have flunked out of college so that anything I do would be just as good or better?" But that wasn't the case. I would try to tell myself, "It doesn't matter in the end, Stephen. God isn't going to be disappointed in you because you made a C in Numerical Analysis." But that still didn't really help.
But God. Two of the greatest words, back to back, in the bible. But God has, recently, really been hammering this home, I am made in His image (Genesis 1:27). I have worth because I am made in His image. I don't have worth because of my athletic ability, my musical talents, my intelligence, not even in good things I do for others. God says that our good deeds are as filthy rags to Him (Isaiah 64:6). Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Woah, His masterpiece? How awesome is that?! Jesus even put a mathematical expression of our worth in Luke 15. A Shepherd loses 1 of 100 sheep, and leaves the 99 to find the one. Upon finding the one he rejoices and throws a party. A woman loses 1 of 10 coins, and turns over her house in search of the one. Upon finding the one she rejoices and throws a party. A father's son comes to him and wants his half of the inheritance (which implies that his father was dead to him). He takes it, blows it all, then returns home ashamed and empty-handed. But, upon returning home, while he was still a long way off, his father sees him, runs to him rejoicing, and throws a party. What does this mean? How much our we worth in God's eyes? We are of infinite worth and value in God's eyes. We are no longer required to try to impress. Our value has already been decided. My pastor, Paul Stith, made this fantastic point, "Christianity is the only religion in which the verdict has already been decided." We don't have to work to achieve our salvation or our worth. Isaiah 61:10 says that God has covered us in a robe of righteousness. You are of infinite value, no matter who you are, what you've done, or what you've thought. You are not too far from God's love, you are never out of His reach.
-Life is Short, Death is Certain, Jesus is the Answer.
